On the way to the dance studio, a song came on. She was singing about a boy who wasn’t good for her but she still loved him, one of the lines was, “The heart wants what the heart wants.” I asked my oldest daughter if she thought that line was true or if you have a choice with your feelings. With classic preteen attitude she said, “Of course you ALWAYS have a choice.” Maybe they DO listen to me! Choice and free will are a subject often discussed in our house. It is a lesson not many are taught. In our culture, victimhood is accepted, sometimes even celebrated. After banging your head against the wall so many times that blood is dripping in your eyes, why do you continue?
I know bad things happen to us that are out of our control. I could lament all day about my own life. However, there comes a point where you gotta pull up your big girl panties, look at challenges with squared shoulders, and say “I got this.” Nothing gets a quicker eye roll from me then to hear someone say, “This is how I am.” Let’s correct that, this is how you choose to be. Ever hear, “this always happens to me”? There’s a reason so stop whining and figure it out. The classic, “It’s not fair!” You may be right, it may not be fair. Take a moment to have a pity party (we all need one every now and again), then resolve to face the challenge head on and show it who’s boss.
Nothing chaps my hide more than hearing the same sob story or complaint over and over and over and over again. Take that mental energy and create a better life. It may even just be changing your perspective or attitude. I have had to do this multiple times in my marriage. Every time I feel the piss and moan monster creeping up from the depths, I force myself to stop and remember how amazing my man is. I chose to marry the guy, there must be something good, right?
Shift your mind set to one of gratitude and joy instead of doom and gloom. We only get one chance in this pony show. If it starts to stink, figure out what you can do to make it better. We will all be thankful! Have some courage, don’t play the victim, and keep moving forward.
Remember, you are always either contributing to or taking from. Try to contribute more than you take (and please, please, please, stop whining).