Neurosis Suits Me

I can say I tried really hard to find balance in my life. It lasted only a month and a half. I gave up because I couldn’t stop crying. Balance is supposed to bring peace, maybe even nirvana. All I wanted to do was eat chocolate and drink.

Elusive BalanceI work really hard on listening to what my body tells me. I believe if we are in tune with it, we can be provided shocking information. I believe our bodies try so hard to communicate that often when we aren’t listening, it manifests itself in physical ways. I know it sounds pretty “woowoo.” When you stop to think about how our bodies are so interconnected and electrical beings, it makes sense. I promise I won’t get all metaphysical here.

Back to this last couple months….. I was constantly in tears, feeling like I was busy but nothing was being accomplished. I am a list maker. I gotta be crossing things off or the whole day was wasted. These to-do items kept lingering because I was trying to seek this mystical balance. I was trying to spread out my time rather than become my usual neurotic self. I have come to the conclusion, neurosis suits me. I am an obsessive being. I am not sure if this comes from my mental issues, the way I was parented, or the fact I am the first born daughter with 3 younger siblings. Maybe it’s a nice slurry of all of it.

I am neurotic. I am obsessive. I have to work with the way my brain is wired. I will leave the calm and rationing to the man. I have two levels of existing, off and beast mode. I have tried, and somewhere in the middle doesn’t work in my craziness. Onward and upward!

If you have figured out this magical balance, how’d you do it??

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