My Past Hurts Don’t Matter?!?!

We all love an inspirational story. I think with all the input coming at us, sometimes we get desensitized. I was watching a show that really got me more than usual. I grew up the underdog, therefore that is always who I cheer for. I was watching Extreme Makeover: Weightloss Edition. Usually with this show I get some warm fuzzies and smiles, but man! This guy killed it!

Part of it was that I could really identify with parts of his story. This guy had been molested by his father who is now in jail. A father he has tried his whole life to please. I could feel his pain. I knew his sadness. I have experienced his defeat. It amazes me how we allow one person such power over us. I could go on and on about my own story and the vast amounts of disappointments I have had to endure. But none of that matters.

What does matter is how I allow it to effect me now. Many years ago I struggled just like him. I yearned to hear that they were proud of me. Instead I got crickets and strove even harder. Know where that landed me? Yup, fat…bitter…emotionally volatile…trying desperately to be a different person. Through lots of self help books, therapy, and soul searchering, I found peace.

Want to know the secret? Forgivness. It is a constant choice. It is something that still sees bad days. Some days I still weep for that little girl and everything she lost while being forced into a role she didn’t want. But, ya know, we are all human. Even those that seriously wounded me. We are just human. Humans make bad choices. Humans decide to be stubborn. Humans have their own set of issues.

Forgivness is not about justifying what that person did. It is not about being ok with their actions. Forgiveness is about letting go. Forgiveness is about admiting our humanity. It is about moving on to a more joyful place in our own lives. With those that wounded me, I simply see them as human. They have their own flaws, their own roadblocks, their own bagagge. I just refuse to take any of that on and claim it as mine any longer.

THAT is healing!

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