Free to be Another Year Older

Another year has pass. I am one number older according to my birth certificate. For many years of my adult life, it has been a deeply personal time. Only within the last few years have I been happy to celebrate it. My teen years were very difficult and in my late teens I didn’t want to live on this earth anymore. Every year I get on this earth is a celebration that God saved me through experiences that should have killed me.

Last weekend I went to a women’s retreat. The theme was “stuck”. See I have lived my whole life in a pit. Just when I thought I had I had reached solid ground, I realized I had just reached a new level of the pit, something else to deal with. I have never known anything different. Since my diagnosis of ‘biopolar with psychotic features’ about a year ago, I have been waiting for something else to broadside me. When the speaker was talking, I kept trying to search if something was keeping stuck in the mud. The more I analyzed, the more I came up empty. I began to realize, my feet were on solid ground.

I am free! This realization brought a new found freedom I have never known. For the first birthday I feel like spinning in a field in a long, flowy dress. My heart and soul feel light! I can’t even begin to explain this feeling!

I am free!

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