Sometimes I wish I could be a super hero and control my environment. I grew up in what I felt like a tornado. Sometimes I was in the eye of the storm and it was calm. Without warning I was flung into the raging storm and swirled around and around. My childhood was filled with a mother with anger issues and overwhelmed punctuated with moments of calm happiness. I also had no control because my mother wanted to control every aspect of family life.
When I became and adult, I held on tightly to my world. The only time I would loose control of it was in the confines of my own apartment or bedroom if I had roomates. I was told on many occasions I had it all together very well for someone my age. All the time in my head I would be going down the list of ping pong balls threatening to pop out of the pressurized water. I lived in constant stress trying to control everything around me. I began to have painful digestive issues and was diagnosed with IBS. My whole world came caving in the day I found out I was pregnant. The world I had worked so hard to maintain control of, now spun out of my clenched fist.
This began a very long journey of learning to let go. It is ok if the house isn’t perfectly clean. It’s ok if I don’t know exactly where I am going. It is ok if I missed a minor detail or went to the store without makeup. After trudging through the rough time of my pregnancy, I began to gain some of that control back. Then I met my husband. He is an easy going guy who doesn’t let much get to him. He has taught me much about not sweating the small stuff.
After 10 years and 4 kids, I have learned to let much go. I now know when I feel the need to control something or someone, there is some stress in my life I need to deal with. I think God thought it would be a great learning tool to bless me with a daughter who feels the need to control EVERYTHING, even the popcorn bowl.
I have learned the more control I give away, the more fun life is and the more I can enjoy it.
Are you a controller or easy going? I want to hear your story!